Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
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"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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