Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
