Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Swine flu. Run for my life!
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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