you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
