when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
