thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
