I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
