How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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