apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
