I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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