why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
