Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
