I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
