Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize