hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
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i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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