He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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