Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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