I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
