Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just want nice things and good sex
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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