It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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