1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
