i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Randomize
