dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
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so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
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I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
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