is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
