Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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