foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
