And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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