Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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