Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
