I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
