Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
