Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize