The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
