On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
