I accidentally had phone sex last night
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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