I want to have your abortion
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
