woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
