she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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