allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
