Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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