i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
In America we eat man semen.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
