He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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