my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
