tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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