ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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