The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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