at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
