i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
