I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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