dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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