The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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