Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
