Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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