So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
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The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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