Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
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You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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