Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
